Broken Hearts and Bleeding Minds
by felinemimimarquez
Summary: Angel is dead and now Mimi is too....how will Roger and Collins cope?
1. Love Lost

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything that has to do with Jonathan Larson or RENT. The end.**

**A/N: Oh my god I'm soooo sorry about not writing in so long. Anyways, this is the new series I was talking about in the last fic I posted. Hopefully it'll be a good one. I hope y'all enjoy it now!**

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**Love Lost**

"I didn't even get to say goodbye…." Roger sobbed, burying his face into Collins' chest. "She's dead and I didn't even get to say goodbye!" Collins sighed softly, rubbing his friends back carefully. "Why did this have to happen?" Roger continued, his words now muffled. "Why? First April, then Angel, and now Mimi. Who else is going to die?"

"I don't know man. Hopefully nobody is going to die any time soon." Collins murmured, trying to comfort him. Roger hiccupped in response, whimpering slightly as he clung to Collins. Collins watched him sadly, pulling Rogers blanket tighter around the rockers shoulders. "It's gonna be okay, I promise. I'm here for you…" He said softly, absentmindedly running his fingers through Rogers hair. "Sorry…" He muttered, pulling his hands away when he felt Roger move.

"Her parents hated me." Roger said quietly, looking up at Collins. "They wouldn't let me see her, even though she asked. They probably told her that I didn't love her anymore…" New tears tricked down his cheeks. "She died thinking that I hated her…but I didn't…I mean, I don't. I love her…and now she's dead and I'll never get to tell her that ever again!" He groaned, slamming his fist against the pillow by Collins' leg.

Collins jumped and nearly fell off of his bed. "Jesus Christ man, I know you're upset…but no need to get violent." Roger rubbed his head, muttering a response as he picked the pillow up, studying it for a moment before setting it down in Collins' lap. "What are you doing?" Collins asked, looking at him. Roger wiped his eyes, trying to get his tears to stop. Instantly, a new wave came on and he buried his face into the pillow that was on Collins' lap.

This was awkward…Roger had his face in his lap. He closed his eyes, sighing as he leaned back against the headboard. A jolt of electricity went though him as he felt Roger move again. "You okay?" He asked quietly, opening his eyes, "Can I get you anything?"

Roger shook his head, turning over so he was looking up at the anarchist. "No…letting me stay here is more than enough…" He swallowed, rubbing the wetness off of his face. "I couldn't go back there…" There was the small, cramped apartment Mimi and Roger had shared, even though she was living with her parents in the last few months of her life.

Collins nodded. "I know how that is, don't worry. I've been there…" Roger smiled up at him, closing his eyes. "I'm here for you… I'll always be here for you. You can guarantee that."

"You'll always be here for me?" Roger murmured, sighing slightly as he started to relax. "You promise?" Collins smiled, resting his hand on Rogers shoulder. "I promise that I'll always be here for you." Roger nodded, pulling the blanket over the both of them. "Don't go." He murmured, grabbing Collins' hand to make sure he didn't. "I'm not going anywhere." Collins said softly, squeezing Rogers hand. "I'm staying right here…"

"Will you be here when I wake up?" He asked, opening his eyes slightly to look at him. Collins nodded. "You bet." Roger smiled and closed his eyes, drifting off to sleep. Collins sighed, running his thumb over the top of Roger's hand as he slept, finally peaceful.

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**A/N: Okay, so this is the first chapter. I hope it turned out okay. I have at least four more chapters planned in my head, but I won't continue unless I know you all want me to…so let me know!**


	2. Let's Do This

**Disclaimer: Not mine. You all know that.**

**A/N: Thanks to all of you that reviewed. I'm continuing because I've been dying to write out this chapter. I hope you all enjoy!**

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**Let's Do This**

Collins woke up with a groan, hearing the clanking in one of the other rooms. He got up and rubbed his eyes, looking around. _Shit. Roger. Where the fuck is he?_ Collins made his way out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. "Aw fuck Roger, what are you doing?" He asked, looking the blonde over with a annoyed expression on his face.

Roger laughed from his spot in front of Collins' liquor cabinet. "You have some damn good stuff in here." He replied, pulling out another bottle to add to his collection on the floor. "I wanted some." Collins groaned again, going over to Roger and collecting the bottles from him. "There's no way in hell you are drinking any more." He said sternly, looking at the mess of what looked like empty bottles.

Roger looked up and pouted. "Aw come on Collins, I just wanted a little more…" He muttered, crossing his arms over his chest. Collins shook his head and put everything away, pulling Roger to his feet. Roger immediately stumbled, grabbing onto Collins' arm for support. Collins sighed. "You're so stupid." He said to him, leading him back to the bedroom. "Now you're going to bed so I don't have to deal with you being drunk."

Roger flopped back onto the bed. "Stay." He commanded, not letting go of Collins' arm. Collins gave Roger a look, lying down next to him carefully. Roger nodded, looking Collins over, which caused him to blush. "Why are you blushing?" Roger asked with a slight slur, placing his hand on the center of Collins' chest. Collins groaned inwardly, looking up at him. "I-I'm not…" He stammered. "You're imagining things."

Roger pursed his lips at him, raising an eyebrow. "Yeah, right. I'm not _that_ drunk." He said with a laugh, pressing down on his friends chest. Collins felt his stomach clench for a moment before he pushed Roger's hand off, rolling away so his back was facing him. Roger stared at his back for a moment before scooting closer, closing the gap between them once again.

"Roger stop." Collins muttered, feeling lips press against the back of his neck. "You're drunk. This isn't right." Roger didn't say anything, continuing to kiss the back of Collins' neck. Collins groaned. "Fuck Roger, why are you doing this?"

Roger wrapped his arms around Collins' waist, pulling away and pressing his lips against his ear. "Maybe I'm not as drunk as you think I am…" He murmured, blowing into his ear lightly. "Maybe I want this." Collins felt his heart nearly explode in his chest at Roger's words. "Roger…" He said quietly, ignoring the warning bells going off in his head. "Are you sure?"

"Collins, stop asking questions. I want to fuck. You are going to fuck me. I know you want to. So let's just do it." He said, scratching Collins' stomach. Collins rolled over, facing him. "Roger..." He breathed, reaching out to touch his face. Roger smiled at him, moving in closer and touching his lips to his for a moment before pulling away. Collins blushed furiously, chewing on his lip as he felt Roger start to unbutton his pants. "Don't be so shy." Roger said with a laugh. "This is gonna be fun."

Collins nodded slightly with a smile, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. "Let's do this." He murmured, tugging on the bottom of Rogers T-shirt. Roger smiled and let him pull it off, sighing as Collins kissed his chest. "Yeah…" Roger agreed with a smile. "Let's do this."

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**A/N: Alright, this is chapter two. Yay. Review for me lovies.**


	3. Bullshit

**Disclaimer: I still down own. But I do rent. How appropriate.**

**A/N: Thanks to all of you who reviewed, again. I love reviews. This story is hopefully going to be good. Get prepared for major drama!**

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**Bullshit**

The next morning Roger awoke with a groan. He was alone. He looked around and noticed a note and a glass of water on the night stand. "He took the glass and the aspirin, reading over the note.

'_At work. Be back around one. Hope you're feeling okay. –Collins'_ it read. Roger smiled slightly, rubbing his head and looking over at the clock. It was almost one now. He then looked down at the floor, noticing his clothes were scattered around the room. Why the fuck was he naked? And why was he so sore?

Roger was snapped out of his trance when he heard the front door slam. "I'm back!" Collins called, knocking on the bedroom door lightly. Roger squeaked and pulled the blanket up to his chest. "Come in…." He said breathlessly, making sure he was covered. Collins let himself in. "Did you just get up?" Roger nodded, his whole face turning a shade of pink. "Uh, what happened?" He stammered, gesturing around the room with one hand.

Collins felt his heart plummet to his feet. Of course Roger didn't remember. Roger was too drunk to remember anything. Panicking slightly, Collins tried to think of an excuse. "Um….uh…" He mumbled, his cheeks flushing. "I don't know…I slept on the couch and yeah. You had clothes on when I left this morning…" Collins shrugged, trying to act nonchalant.

"That's bullshit." Roger snapped, sliding out of bed to pick up his clothes. Collins blushed even more and turned away, cursing under his breath. "Why don't you tell me the truth this time?" Roger asked, pulling his clothes on piece by piece. Collins stammered for a bit more before taking a deep breath, turning around to face him.

"Okay. You got into my liquor cabinet last night. You had some to drink, I don't know how much. You didn't seem that drunk. So then I helped you into bed and you begged me to stay so I did. And then…" He trailed off, rubbing his head. "I don't really know what happened. You started coming on to me and I said no because you were drunk and I didn't want to take advantage of you and you insisted it was what you wanted…so we did it. I didn't want to wake you this morning so I just left a note. I'm sorry."

Roger stared at him, obviously in shock. "Stop lying to me Collins. This isn't funny. I'm a fucking straight guy, not some faggot like you!" He yelled, his temper rising. Collins backed away slowly, the word '_faggot_' ringing in his ears. "You're such a fucking liar!" Roger continued, advancing towards Collins and shoving him against the wall. Collins winced as his head connected with the wall, the vibrations running through his body.

"I'm sorry." Collins whispered, blinking away the tears that were forming in his eyes. "I'll go."

Roger nodded and shoved him out of the room. "Don't come back." He called, laughing to himself. Collins stumbled out of his apartment and down his stairs, touching the back of his head and wincing. Roger had shoved him pretty hard. He pulled his hand away, feeling sickened by the sight of blood on his fingers.

'_I just have to get to the clinic_...' He thought to himself, making his way down the street, stopping at a bench to sit down. Everything was spinning…this wasn't good. He put his hand back up to his head, pushing down slightly. _'Maybe if I apply enough pressure…'_ He thought, his eyelids lowering. _'Maybe…'_ He didn't get to finish his thought because everything went black.

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**A/N: Dun dun dun….muhahaha. I know, I'm evil. But you'll understand eventually, don't worry. Review for me!**


	4. So Sorry

**Disclaimer: Not mine not mine not mine. Stop asking.**

**A/N: Thanks again to all of you who reviewed. I hope you all don't hate me for the last chapter. **

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**So Sorry**

'_Mimi…I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…'_ Collins awoke with a groan, looking around the very white room. It took him a minute to realize that he was at the hospital. Fuck. A nurse was standing over him. "Welcome back." She said with a small smile, checking his stats. "How is your head?"

Collins closed his eyes again, feeling the dull throbbing in the back of his head for the first time. "It hurts." He admitted, pulling on his fingers. "Look, can you call my roommate and tell him I'm here?"

The nurse smiled slightly. "He's on his way. Now, who is this Mimi person you were talking about?" Collins opened his eyes and looked up at her, confused. "You don't remember? Of course not. You were talking about her while you were sleeping." She continued. "Ring any bells?"

"Oh. She's my friend. She passed away recently." Collins said softly. '_Why was I talking about Mimi? Oh…wait…of course. I fucked her fiancé. Of course I was apologizing or something. Fucking conscience.' _The nurse nodded slightly and looked over to the door, where Roger was standing anxiously, a panicked expression on his face. "I'll let him in." Collins nodded and watched her walk off and let Roger in. She smiled and left the room, leaving the two men alone.

Roger cleared his throat, looking at Collins for a moment before looking away. "I'm really, really sorry." He whispered, staring at his hands. "I don't know what came over me…" Collins stared at him for a moment before putting his hand on the bandage on his head. It hurt like hell. Roger sat down in the chair beside Collins' bed. "I'll never forgive myself."

Collins made himself look at Roger, who was clearly distraught. "Roger. Stop." He reached out and touched the top of his friends hand. "Stop talking about it. It happened, it's shitty, we'll get over it." Roger stared at him in shock. Collins was so calm about the whole situation.

"I can't get over it. I didn't like what I was doing…I have such a bad temper." Roger said quietly, locking eyes with Collins. "I need help or something." Collins sighed, shrugging slightly. He didn't want to hurt Roger's feelings by agreeing with him. "I want your opinion Collins. Tell me the truth."

"Okay." Collins said quietly. "Maybe some anger management classes or something. Nothing to extreme…you know. It might help." Roger nodded in agreement. "That sounds okay…I could look into that."

Collins nodded as well, smiling slightly as he squeezed Rogers hand. "Roger…" Collins said softly, looking at him. "I know you were probably planning on leaving…but I would really like it if you stayed at my place with me."

"Even after all I did?" Collins nodded. "You're my friend. I want you to stay. You need a place anyways. Please." Roger sighed. "Okay…" He said slowly, unsure of himself. "Just as friends?"

Collins forced himself to smile. "Of course. Unless you were thinking of something else…" Roger shook his head quickly, his hair flying every which way. "Oh, no. I was just making sure…" He mumbled, his cheeks flushing. Collins laughed. "Of course you were." He leaned back closing his eyes.

"You should rest. Do you want me to stay?" Collins nodded, settling down on the hospital bed. Roger smiled, watching his friend as he drifted off to sleep.

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**A/N: Mmkay. So here it is. I swear, it's going to get better than it already is. XD Read and review for me!**


	5. At Last

**A/N: I'm sorry that I haven't posted. Midterms are this week so it's been hectic.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything affiliated with RENT. I only make up my own stories.**

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**At Last**

A month had passed since the incident, and Roger had held up his end of the bargain. Anger management was really improving the way he dealt with things.

"Yo Davis! I've got grub!" Collins called as he walked into the apartment, his arms full of grocery bags. Roger hurried out from one of the rooms to help him. "Ooh, what'd you get?" He asked with a grin, digging through the bags. Collins smacked his hands away, laughing. Roger looked up and pouted, unloading the food and putting things away after examining each package carefully.

"Ooh, you got the CD!" Roger said happily, tearing the cellophane wrapper off of the case. "You're gonna love it." He hurried over to the CD player, putting the disk in. and pushing the play button. "Just listen." Collins held back a chuckle as he continued to put the food away. Roger and his music. He always got so excited about it.

The room was soon filled with a mix of sounds. Sultry, passionate drumbeats were mixed with some sort of string instrument, and the sounds of a maraca floated in and out. Collins looked over at Roger, amazed by his taste in music. This music was so un-Roger like. This music was something that he might have listened to…

Collins jumped when he felt Roger's hand on his shoulder. He turned, smiling at his friend. Roger put a finger to his lips, pulling him out into the center of the living room. "Let's dance." He whispered, laughing slightly as the drums beat around them. Collins gave him a confused look. "I don't know how…" He mumbled, his cheeks flushing.

Roger let out a laugh, but quickly stopped himself. "I'll show you how." He said with a smile, taking his hand. "Come on." Collins stared at him, glancing down at their hands for a moment before relaxing slightly and nodding.

Roger smiled and wrapped his arms around Collins' neck, pulling him close. Collins stood still for a minute before putting his hands on Rogers hips. "Relax…" Roger murmured into Collins' ear, causing shivers to go down his spine. Slowly, Collins let himself go, swaying to the beat of the music with Roger.

Roger studied his friends face, reaching up and touching his cheek lightly. Collins smiled, his eyes locking with Rogers. Roger smiled back at him, his hand sliding to the back of Collins' neck. Collins let out a small sigh, enjoying their closeness. This was something new for them.

"Collins…" Roger murmured huskily, his fingertips pressing down on the back of his friends neck. Collins looked up at him, his breath caught in his throat. "Y-yeah?" he stammered, swallowing thickly. Roger smiled, leaning in and pressing his lips against Collins', kissing him gently.

Collins pulled back. "Roger…what about...I mean..." He was so confused. "I thought you didn't..." Roger looked back at him, hurt filling his eyes. "You don't like me…" He said quietly, slowly letting his hands fall away. Collins shook his head frantically. "Roger no! I do like you…I do. I just thought that you were…you know, not into guys."

Roger started at him for a moment before reaching out and taking Collin's hand again. "I'm not into all guys…just you." He said softly, his heart pounding in his chest. Collins nodded, a smile spreading over his face. "Okay." He said, wrapping his arms around the blonde. "Okay."

Roger grinned, kissing him again. Collins kissed him back, taking a few steps back and landing on his back on the couch. Roger pulled back, adjusting himself so he wasn't crushing Collins. Collins laughed, closing his eyes. "SO, why'd you want me to pick to this CD?"

"I thought you would like it…was I right?" Roger asked, tracing Collins' collarbone with his finger. Collins shivered, opening his eyes. "Yeah, I like it…" He murmured, wrapping his arms around Rogers neck. "Guess what else I like."

"Me?" Roger asked with a smirk, leaning in so their faces were almost touching. Collins smiled and nodded. "You win." He said as he pulled Roger down, kissing him hungrily.

They spent the rest of the night in each other's arms, enjoying being together at last.

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**A/N: Mmkay, so let me know if you think I should end it here or keep writing.**


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